Don't Forget to Remember!

Whatever you BUY at the little market...

You must also CARRY home from the little market.

Oh, my aching arms...or as Richard said one day as I was breathlessly lugging my bags...

"It looks like your eyes were bigger than your arms!"

Hiding the Evidence

Fancy, shmancy Chinese restaurant....

Kind, thoughtful man takes us all out to dinner.

First food arrives....chicken soup. "I can do chicken soup," I think to myself.
Tastes funny, weird, strange...and what IS that THING in the bowl? I take two or three sips and can't go further.

The vegetables are brought out. Oh, I can eat the vegetables. Except I have never seen these greens served on ice. Well, that's okay...they are palatable. I try to make a big show of eating the veggies so KTM (kind, thoughtful man) can at least see me eating something!
Meat dish arrives. KTM puts some in my bowl. "Oh," Chye says, "I've never tasted beef so tender."

I put in mouth....of course, there are the bones; that is a given in China. But, no meat, just gristle and fat. I wrestle with it for awhile, then spit it into my napkin. Try another piece...same result, only leave bones and meat in bowl.

Ah, egg plant. I do egg plant, and look, it's got a nice breading on it.
I take a bite just as Chye says, "Be careful, Loni, it's hot!"
There is a hole in the roof of my mouth, and a hole in the top of my head blowing steam. My mouth is burning, my lips are scorched. I leave rest of egg plant uneaten, alongside uneaten beef.

Next, the obligatory tofu. I take some bites. I'm not really big on tofu,leave most of it alongside uneaten beef, eggplant, and soup.

The fish arrives. I am determined I will eat some. I pull out a modest-sized piece...I eat it, taking out the 1000 bones in my little bite, which are now stacked alongside soup, beef, tofu.

Waiter brings something and puts it in front of Allen. Oh my goodness, can it be? It looks so good. Finally, something I can eat and truly enjoy....custard pudding with caramel sauce. It isn't something I've seen here in China before, but I'll really enjoy this. But, wait, why have they paired it with two broccoli spears? strange combination. Well, they do things differently here in China. I eat the broccoli first; definitely NOT caramel sauce - gravy.

Then, what is this rectangular-shaped item on the plate? I make an attempt to cut it...it doesn't cut easily. I make an attempt to slice it with a knife. It's difficult; it's a very strange consistency; like jello only 20 times more dense. Then Chye says, "Oh, it's mushroom; this is a real treat!" A perfectly rectangular mushroom?!?!? I'm chewing what seems to me to be a wad of rubber bands with rubber cement, and this is a real treat?!?!?!

I cannot leave one more food item on my plate. I whisper to Allen to take one of the two pieces of mushroom...he slides one onto his plate. I still have an entire mushroom left along with the chicken soup, the hot eggplant, the beef and bones, the tofu, and stacks of fish bones. I MUST hide this mushroom, so it looks like I have eaten SomETHIng.

I look, everyone is eating; no one is looking. I slide mushroom into napkin...put it in pocket...no, too wet, it will ruin the money I have in there. Open purse, put it in there...no, it will leak all over purse. I wrap it with another tissue, then put it on empty chair beside me. I feel nervous with it on chair...what if????. Finally, I say loudly for everyone to hear, "I need some tissue...I'll just step into the bathroom and get some tissue." I hide mushroom in my hand, step in restroom, throw in garbage.

Not 60 seconds after sitting down, someone suggests taking a picture of entire happy, well-fed group. Waiter comes to take picture...slides chair out away from table where mushroom sat just seconds before...the smile in the picture is GEN-YOU-WINE! No one found evidence of the lurking mushroom!

Back to School - Part One

The familiar blue and white or green and white uniforms;

the laughter, the recitation from the classrooms,

the exercises on the field;


I love it all!

Yes, the primary and middle school are back in session, and I love living where I can see it all happen every day!

Oh, I love the joys of beautiful youth -

The Whiner

"I'm so tired," I thought that morning, "of washing my face and hands in cold water. I'm tired of taking a shower in a freezing room....I'm tired of being served food in a cold restaurant and having it cool off before I take a second bite...I'm tired....."

And, then, it was literally like someone hit me over the head with a baseball bat.

Immediately I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and overwhelmed with gratitude.

A little voice on my shoulder loudly said, "Loni, for thousands of years, the Chinese have lived like this, and they didn't have a heater of any kind, or an electric blanket. The pioneers had all of this, and worse, traveling in snow and harsh winter conditions....they would have been thrilled to GO to a restaurant of any kind. The Native Americans had so much more of a challenge than you have. In fact, many people STILL LIVE IN THESE KINDS OF CONDITIONS!

so, Loni,

kwitcherballyakin!"

Point taken.

And, I'm humbly grateful for all that we have in this lovely city.

Brides, Brides, Brides - so Beautiful!

These are just a few of the beautiful brides we saw this day....
Why were there so many brides this day as we walked around the lovely Shamian Island?

Two people told me two different answers; but it doesn't really matter.

They were all lovely and they all looked radiantly happy on their special. day.

Ironic PS

just one hour after I posted the previous blog, we were talking with a man inside the campus bank on a busy friday afternoon.

Not five feet from us was a little two-year-old who pulled down her pants, and started doing “the dance.” Every parent, world-wide, knows this familiar dance.

The mother looked concerned, made a sort of squeal, picked up her darling daughter, and raced out the front door to the top step leading into the bank. She held her daughter on the front entrance, while the daughter “did her thing.”

I looked around....no jaws gaping wide – only mine. No angry voices saying, “People walk right here!” No stares – only mine.

And, I have decided I need to lighten up. Banks, school canteen, it's all good.

My only hope is that in the next six months, I do not get so desperate that I join them and do as they say, "When in China, do as the Chinese!"

Synonym for Sidewalk

Toilet. And. Spitton. (China New World Dictionary)

It's something I can never get used to...people spitting right on the sidewalk and also using the sidewalk as a toilet.

Recently, as I was walking through the many stalls in the night market, the bookseller walked from behind his stall, and spit a huge glob right next to where his customers would be in five seconds. Gag.

As I was walking to the market last week, a man on a bicycle, let out a huge spit in the middle of the walkway. Now, tell me this, why couldn't he have just peddled to the side where the bushes were and let it out there?

It's just so strange to me. I cannot tell you how many times Allen and I have said to each other, “Watch out – there's a huge glob of spit in front of you!”

But, even more unsettling is the tendency to use the sidewalk as the toilet.
I. Kid. You. Not.

Here is a picture I snapped a few days ago. Adorable Girl Child in school canteen... needs to use potty....runs out front canteen door...squats on step....right where 2,000 students will soon rush in for lunch. The bushes were close by....but why bother?!?!?!

Boy children and grown MEN use the sidewalk often; it's surreal to me. Privacy is not to be bothered with.

When we first came to China, I saw rows and rows of little shops....there were NO TOILETS anywhere around. I remember thinking, “Where do all the people go to use the bathroom?”

Now, I know.

Across the Hall - a Tragedy in One Act

Screaming, slamming of doors, more screaming, two-year old crying in fear, foul abusive language, scurrying of feet up and down the stairs.

All afternoon it went on - over and over. His screaming at her. The child crying in terror. Items thrown out the door.

A fiction writer could not have scripted better weather for the bleak afternoon; cold and rainy - while the accusations/threats/ foul-mouthed abusive language continued.

Silence - at last. Luggage lined up against the railing.

"Wherever you go," I thought to myself, as if speaking to the lovely Chinese wife of the crazed and angry husband, "it will be better than this. You do not deserve to be treated this way."

Fast forward three days later, in the early morning as I took out the garbage....
a pink umbrella drying out in front of the doorway....

"NO, no, it can't be....maybe he already has a new girlfriend," I hoped desperately.

Voices later in the afternoon; the delightful sound of the two-year old; the soft, gentle voice of the Chinese wife; and regrettably, the deep voice of THE MAN.

And, my heart weeps.

Trix - My Hero

She's smart; she has two master's degrees.

She's an adventurer: she's here in China teaching English.

She's had a very interesting and unique life; she went to Catholic boarding schools as a child, her father owned a golf course, which her husband later took over, and that's only part of the story.

She's a connoisseur of books; she brought her Kindle to China and she reads prodigiously.

She doesn't get nervous before presentations; she was asked to give a lecture on Shakespeare and she didn't bat an eye.

Those are all impressive, but no, the reason Trix is my hero is because she has been in China as long as I have and has NEVER - NOT ONCE - in five and a half months.....

used a squat toilette!

A Tale of Two Weddings

Photo Credit: Justin Hackworth...you can see more Here:

North America:

College daughter calling home....“Mom, he popped the question last night...I'm so excited; he's my Prince Charming!”

Mother is jumping up and down too – her mother-of-of the bride instincts immediately kick in. She is no longer listening as daughter gives minute details of the proposal; mother is thinking of: invitatations, dresses, bridesmaids, refreshments, luncheons, pictures...oh, it's all so exciting and HAPPY!

Daughter is pretty useless in helping to plan wedding as her starry-eyed head is in the clouds. She comes down momentarily when mother insists she pick colors or wedding dress.

BIG DAY arrives at last. Starry-eyed bride and groom gaze lovingly into each other's eyes as new bride contemplates her new life; it's all so exciting and WONDERFUL!

Half way Around the World in Remote Village in Southwestern China:

Tour Guide on bus: “As we enter the village, you will notice the young men sitting around smoking, smiling, enjoying the sunshine. They will do that all day. The women do ALL the work; the cooking, the cleaning, the child care. They know once they are married, that their lot in life is to work all day every day."

Tourist on bus: “But why would the women even WANT to marry under these conditions?”

Tour Guide on Bus: “They don't always want to, but they do what is expected of them. On the day of my best friend's wedding, she did all the cooking for the family...she spent her entire wedding day cooking. She cried the whole day.”

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, two brides/women.....worlds apart.... in so many ways!

NOTE: But, that is not to say that the women living in this little village in China are totally unhappy...their lives/weddings are the results of years of tradition and customs.

Each country's traditions beautiful in its own way.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year of the Rabbit!

Imagine what would happen in America if In 'n Out Burgers closed its doors for three weeks at Christmas, or if Best Buy shut down for a holiday for three weeks. Or if Olive Garden closed its doors for four weeks after Thanksgiving.

That is what happens to many many businesses here in China. They totally shut down...lock their doors and leave a sign posted of when they will return, which is usually in three weeks.

I don't know how they can afford it. I needed some phone service, China Mobile is shut down until February 18. Dry cleaning – forget it! Copies made at the copy center - not until Feb 21. computer repairs; hair cuts, little food eateries, all shut down.

The mega stores down in the middle of town are still open, but the little mom and pop and some restaurants- shuttered up tight.

Sometimes frustrating for me, but I hope all those hard-working, self-sacrificing merchants are able to have a wonderful holiday with their families, wherever they may be!

Kung hay Fat Choi!

The Bus Ride

We were pushed, prodded, shoved as we, along with dozens of others, climbed aboard the bus at its first stop.

There was not even standing room only...just a sea of faces, bodies, odors, hands clutching the poles. Those lucky enough to have grabbed the few seats smiled coyly, knowing that they were lucky this time, but they were likely to be the ones standing on the next trip.

Across the aisle of Chinese faces, Allen said, "We will probably drive straight to our stop as there is not room for anyone to get on."

Wishful thinking indeed.

The first stop came quickly. The driver opened the front and back doors. No one climbed off the back steps. 15 people pushed their way in the front door. An audible groan came from the lips of those already squished to beyond-capacity in the bus.

Surely there must be laws against this many passengers. It was suffocating. Trying to juxtaposition myself into a more comfortable stance was impossible.

Next stop, one person off. Eight more on, including a man carrying HUGE boxes. "How will he squeeze those through here?" I thought. Then, I knew how, as his boxes pushed into my legs causing me to yelp in pain/surprise. A lady stepped on my foot.

As I rode the 40 minute ride, I thought of one of my students who told me she had ridden to her home in the North. She had stood for 11 hours on a bus crowded like this one. My ride seemed insignificant in comparison.

Finally, a few people began to get off at various stops....a little breathing room at last.

And, then, our stop. I bolted off the bus, straightened my apparel, and realized....

my mobile phone was gone!

IPad at the Airport - A Short Play in Three Scenes

"Is it possible," the American tourist said, "that China's one-child policy is producing a generation of Spoiled Children? The parents work hard all day, the four grandparents tend and dote on their one grandchild. What happens to children raised in such an environment, where their every whim is met?"

You decide:

Setting: busy, bustling airport teeming with thousands of travelers for Chinese New Year

Characters: Allen, seated, is comparing IPad apps with another lady - Alethea

Action: Six year old Adorable Boy Child comes in left. Tries to grab IPad out of Allen's hands. Allen smiles, resists. I laugh. ABC (adorable boy child), with Allen still holding IPad, aggressively pushes home key button, scrolls through home screens to find games. ABC then proceeds to play "Angry Birds." As Allen tries to show him something, Adorable Boy Child pushes Allen's hands away. Adorable Boy Child's Father and Mother watch adoringly. ABC continues to play, but pushes Allen's hand away any time Allen ventures to do something with his own IPad. Finally Allen shows ABC another game, ABC grabs IPad and plays new game for long time.

Action - Part Two: Evenutally, Allen, after a long time of patiently letting ABC play, tells ABC, "Okay, that's it." Allen turns off IPad. ABC tries to grab it out of Allen's hands. Parents watch adoringly, laughing. ABC is not successful, so he grabs for Alethea's IPad. She firmly resists saying, "NO!"

Action - Part Three: ABC leaves momentarily, then returns grabbing for Allen's IPad. Parents watch adoringly, smiling. I'm smiling, laughing at the CHUTZPAH of the ABC (Adorable Boy Child), who hangs around waiting for just the right moment to take hold of the IPad again.

And, we are all left wondering about the question the tourist asked....is China's one-child policy producing spoiled children?